The Coffee War Made Me Write This

It is believed that there are three types of Malaysians: the first have a fondness for the unofficial national drink, teh tarik, which is effectively assam tea (low grade is most suitable, the Japanese boss of Lupicia assured me) and condensed milk "pulled" between two big cups to form a foamy concoction suitable for all times of the day. Fans of this drink love late nights sitting under the open sky, drinking in the smells of open food courts and the sounds of Premier League football streaming from the mamak stall. They are happy to gain the extra few pounds that are the side effect of this drink that is an apt demonstration of physics in life, and also happy to point you to the closest best street burger stall & rojak vendor.

The second type drink wherever it is the coolest to drink. They pursue the latest trend drink. Key words are decaffinated, skinny, cream, ice blended, chocolate chips, caramel, hazelnut syrup, vanilla, with...you get the picture. Their wallets are usually empty because their drinks tend to be double or triple the price of normal drinks, and they tend to be hyperactive because they have decided to go for the grande size. No airconditioning, no caffeine. They are sometimes called "the young ones".

The third type drink coffee. They pursue caffeine. They do not care about the environment that it is brewed or served in. What they care about is the aroma & strength of the coffee and the generosity & focus of the staff making it. They will happily taste the coffee from every newly opened coffee shop and pass judgement on the quality of the whole place based on whether the coffee is worthy of word of mouth. They will drink three coffees at three different places to meet three different groups of people in a morning if it is what it takes to get their happy caffeine fixes. These are the exponents of the "kopi tiam" (non air-conditioned coffee shops which usually have multiple stall owners with the shop owner responsible for selling all beverages) who will make recommendations on where to go based on very specific dishes. They are nevertheless unashamed of being seen where "the young ones" go, if only to mock at those sweet and weak drinks while they themselves get their large cups of afternoon Italian-style caffeine.

How do these people relate to the Coffee War, you ask? Well, I just want to make a point as to how important the True Brew article in The Age really is in the scheme of things.

The Melbourne-Sydney coffee war has been going on for as long as the Italians have been in town. In the meantime, the Adelaideans continue to sip on their red wine & Vittoria Gold/Rio Coffee lattes, the Perth folk drink their Little Creatures beers wondering what the East Coast states are on about, and the Queenslanders drink cocktails while laughing at the hot drink states. Darwinians are too busy watching the sunset with white wines & iced desserts in tow, the public servants in Canberra search for something to wake them up wherever they go, and the Tasmanians are huddled trying to make the hot chocolate by the fireplace last as long as possible.

As Justin Metcalf says, coffee is a subjective matter. Much like all other things that we consume. Some people like it hot, some like it cold, some like it black and strong. Some will never drink it, some will follow the crowds wherever they go, some will defend the existence of the coffee bean in modern civilisation.

Really, though, we are all missing the point here. The point is that we actually enjoy the consumption process, whether it is a hot pot of tea drunk alone indoors with a book listening to the wind howl outside or affogatos drunk with friends in a dessert cafe in summer. In such a context, the name of the city becomes irrelevant. All that matters is that nobody chokes on what they are consuming, no fights occurs, nobody feels ripped off and everybody pays up before leaving the table.

& yes, my current Brunswick coffee hangout is Toby's Estate the Sydney invader...