Warning: This Is Non Halal, Not Kosher and Definitely Not Vegetarian

As the remaining daylight fades away, I gaze at the rain falling, listen to the wind blowing.  I try to remember when the last time I took a day off was but cannot.  I check my payslip and realise I am the only person left in my office who has a perfect zero sick day record for the calender year. 

I feel exhausted and cannot confirm whether I have a fever.  My brain is struggling to even entertain the idea of paying someone else to cook for me.  I badly need comfort food.

I open the freezer.  Chicken drumsticks, duck marylands, a jumbo quail, sardine fillets, lamb shoulder.  Then I turn to the pork section.  Pig liver, bacon, rack of pork, spare ribs, speck.  I opt for the little bag of female pork belly I had cut up into slices and marinated before freezing.  Nothing like the classic marinade recipe of sesame oil, pepper and soy sauce (plus a touch of cornstarch for those who like their meat a bit more tender) to turn mere pork slices into stir-fry gold.

Right.  Defrost meat.  Soak and slice dried shiitake mushrooms, peel and julienne a carrot, julienne three Chinese cabbage leaves.  I am tempted to finely chop a knob of ginger, garlic and onion but instead choose to finely slice the white part of a scallion stalk.  Do I need peanuts?  Meh.

Boil water in a pot.  Heat up some oil in the wok.  Brown meat in oil, set aside.  Throw white scallion bits into resulting hot pork lard and oil, then carrots.  Stir around a bit.  Water boiling, time to cook discs of dried alkaline noodles from home, my favourite pasta.  Time to add the Chinese cabbage leaves and mushrooms into wok, using the mushroom soaking liquid to make sure the vegetables will not burn.  Wait a few minutes while dreaming about Grand-dad's pig stomach & white peppercorn soup, stewed pork belly in Chinese buns, Grandmother's braised pig trotters and Chris Badenoch's crispy roast pig's head (will that man open the restaurant already?!).  Check, looks good, time to add the noodles and pork back in, toss to mix, add soy sauce and the chopped up green part of that scallion stalk, toss some more.

Serve in big white bowl with crispy fried shallots and settle into bean bag & Top Gear while the pig liver, ginger & Chinese wine soup is heating up in the microwave for afterwards.

Mmm pork...##